The guy on the desk opposite me is showing me his new calendar. "You've got January look, february, s'alright that, february, not too shabby is it" He then spent the next 5 minutes placing it on his desk and then turned around to me, pointed at it and said "sits quite nicely there....... superb"

Ok so we have fish in our office, the lady who normally feeds them is on holiday. So the guy on the desk opposite me is feeding them and when they come to the top as he's dropping the food in he keeps saying "superb" as their little mouths touch the surface! I might draw a picture to illustrate this hilarity later.

The guy on the desk opposite me keeps calling GIF files "jif files". I'm not going to correct him.
BBQ breath.

The guy on the desk opposite me is like a parrot. Every time I cough, he coughs. Every time I sniff, he sniffs. Need to try some more things...

The guy on the desk opposite me just called someone and asked to speak to "Andreas ogubamuga, ogubam, og, obuga, obugamu." I just looked at the piece of paper with the name he was trying to read. It said "Andreas Obermuller" How hard is that?! 

The guy on the desk opposite me keeps banging on about the "Superb quality" of his new calander.  

The guy on the desk opposite me, really fancies himself as a graphic designer. He designs stuff in microsoft paint using clipart. I wish I was joking.

The guy on the desk opposite me says "indeed" and "superb" all the time, in an effort to sound well-spoken.